A Message from Your Cat About "Whisker Fatigue" - Bull Hockey!
Updated: 3 days ago
Another note from the cat.
Last time I told you how I felt about that ridiculous claim that I think you are a big cat. Now I see you watching your picture device again, with all those cute moving pictures of my fellow cats doing cute things. But you also like to look at those moving pictures of other humans telling you about what I like and don’t like.
This time it's some human saying I get whisker fatigue if my whiskers don’t clear my water bowl.
Bull hockey. The man on the picture device said my whiskers are sensitive, and I use them to make sure I can squeeze into that new box you got me. That’s true, but he forgets I’m a cat – and I ignore anything I don’t want to pay attention to.
Remember my last note, "13 Reasons I Know You Aren’t a Big Cat’ that my ears have this marvelous ability to ignore your chatter and only hear the words “Treat” and “Dinner.”
Well, the same goes for my whiskers.
Remember when you found me with my entire head jammed inside your skinny drinking glass, lapping up your water. I do it every time you leave it and don’t see me. A lot of times it has those nice cold squares. Sometimes I like to lick them. They feel good on my tongue.
And if I’m lucky, I hit the jackpot and your glass has milk. It doesn’t get much better than that.
And I’ve become so good at sneaking drinks from your glass that I don’t even tip it over.
Did my whiskers bend? Yes.
Did they touch the glass? Of course. They were scrunched next to my head.
Did I care? Hell no. If I cared, I wouldn’t do it.
(Hum, I’m going to write another article about why I never do what I don’t want to do.)
Anyway, back to my whiskers. How do you think I sleep with my head flattened against the soft covers if it bothered my whiskers? If that bothered them, I’d have to sleep with my head in the air.
And speaking of boxes, why would I stick my head into the tissue box if it bothered my whiskers? If it did, I wouldn’t stick my head in.
And just so you know, some humans in white coats actually wasted their time studying this. They gave us "whisker-friendly" flat dishes and standard deep bowls. Guess what? We didn't care. We ate the same amount of food at the same speed, because food is food, and we are opportunists.
I’ll eat from anything. Bowls, plates, the floor, even stick my head in a garbage bag if I smell a delicacy.
And if I don’t eat what’s in my bowl, it’s not because of my whiskers. It’s because I didn’t like what was on the menu. Or it was too cold from the fridge. Or it had been sitting there too long.
And just because I sometimes like to drink the dripping water from the faucet doesn’t mean it has anything to do with my whiskers. If you look carefully, when I’m lapping faucet water, my whiskers are sometimes pressed against the dripping device.
So I go on notice today. STOP watching all those crazy pictures that tell you what I like and go put some tuna in my bowl. And put a fresh glass of water with those cold cubes in it on the counter.
Signed, The Master of the House
P.S. Look out for my next piece: Why "No" is Just a Suggestion (A Guide to Doing Whatever I Want).
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