Our Free Spirit has Rules
In my Purr-sonality framework, I think of cats as leaning toward either Orderly or Free Spirit behavior. I’ve always put Patsy on the Free Spirit side because she’s constantly on the move and easily distracted.
But I began to question that when I started to look at Patsy’s bedtime behavior. As hubby and I get ready for bed, Patsy waits at the foot of the bed, facing the doorway to the hall. I go through my nighttime routine in the master bath, and hubby uses the spare bathroom.
I’m usually ready for bed before hubby. I’ll walk by Patsy and try to pet her or give her a kiss on the head. She turns her head away and stares at the doorway. My sweet, normally loving cat wants no part of my attention. She’s waiting for ‘Dad’ to come in and play laser. She seems to be saying, “Not now. We're at Step Four. I'm waiting for Dad.”
And if she decides it’s not a laser night, she sits at Dad’s feet, purrs, and wants pets.
After this routine, hubby goes to bed, and she jumps on the bed between us and purrs by our heads. She may want to crawl under the covers and snuggle next to me.
When she’s had her fill of cuddles under the covers, or gets hot, or gets distracted, she dashes out.
She doesn’t sleep with us at night. Instead, she sleeps atop her habitat, her command center with a view of almost the entire apartment. If I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, she jumps down from the habitat, follows me in, and sits by my feet purring. As soon as I’m done, she returns to her post.
But lately I’ve begun to wonder whether I’ve misjudged her. For a Free Spirit, at bedtime Patsy seems to be running the household according to an invisible rulebook.
So now I’m rethinking Patsy’s purr-sonality. Does she really prefer spontaneity, or have I been misreading some of her behavior?
Her bedtime behavior certainly looks like a strong desire for order and predictability, to the point of “rejecting” me, who I know she loves, while she waits for the next part of her routine. “No, Mom. It’s not time for pets right now!”
Maybe what looks like a contradiction has as much to do with what Patsy thinks is important in her life as it does with a personality preference. The nighttime laser game is important. And by the way, it has to be Dad. And if Dad is not available that night, I can’t fill in. I try to match hubby’s laser techniques, but she just looks at me as if I’m off my rocker. “Mom. Don’t you know I only play laser with Dad.”
This gives me a lot to think about.
First, there are many reasons why cats and people might behave one way in one situation and differently in another. Patsy may be spontaneous during the day, but want order at bedtime. Context matters.
Second, maybe I haven’t paid enough attention to what was driving Patsy’s fidgeting. I assumed that because she flits from one activity to another, she prefers spontaneity. But being easily distracted isn’t the same as being spontaneous. Patsy may abandon one activity because something else has suddenly become more important to her. Her attention is flexible, but that doesn’t necessarily mean her expectations are. Her fidgeting is on her terms.
Third, cats and people can behave very similarly in a situation, but that behavior can be driven by a different preference. Two cats might both follow you into the bathroom. One follows because this is what we do every night. The other follows because Hey! You're going somewhere! I want to come!
So is Patsy an Orderly cat who only looks like a Free Spirit? Or is she a highly social cat whose favorite interactions have become important rituals? Maybe it’s a little of both.
That’s the problem with trying to understand what drives a cat’s behavior. I can watch what Patsy does, look for patterns, and come up with theories. But behavior doesn’t always tell us what’s behind it. The same is true of people.
Unfortunately, Patsy isn’t talking. So for now, I’ll keep watching.
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